Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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