Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
