Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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