Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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