to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
