All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
honey bunches of taint.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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