dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize