i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
