the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
