And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
