i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
