sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
