Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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