Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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