Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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