four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
