God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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