sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot