Texts From Last Night

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  (389): View more from

  So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"

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  (389): So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut" http://tfl.nu/g5tq
  Replies (4) Good night (1379) Bad night (653)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag

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  (970): She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag http://tfl.nu/lpir
  Replies (10) Good night (1135) Bad night (2742)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.

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  (732): I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes. http://tfl.nu/xdyw
  Replies (12) Good night (883) Bad night (3944)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (1011) Bad night (3950)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

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  (918): He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend http://tfl.nu/82q6
  Replies (5) Good night (2760) Bad night (871)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.

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  (518): I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how. http://tfl.nu/ue8l
  Replies (4) Good night (2369) Bad night (1084)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.

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  (403): oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker. http://tfl.nu/xtlj
  Replies (9) Good night (1956) Bad night (1122)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing

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  (413): I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing http://tfl.nu/ejfa
  Replies (9) Good night (1376) Bad night (915)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business

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  (412): I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business http://tfl.nu/ujri
  Replies (8) Good night (1123) Bad night (809)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.

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  (630): Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me. (1-630): Pulling out all the stops on being a lady. http://tfl.nu/6gwr
  Replies (2) Good night (1460) Bad night (588)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.

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  (201): Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus. http://tfl.nu/06dr
  Replies (4) Good night (820) Bad night (501)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.

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  (416): what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/f5ud
  Replies (5) Good night (1188) Bad night (386)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you

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  (239): Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you http://tfl.nu/2pml
  Replies (3) Good night (1015) Bad night (471)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"

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  (252): He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you" http://tfl.nu/xyuz
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (255)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.

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  (412): pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers. http://tfl.nu/81xy
  Replies (1) Good night (238) Bad night (334)

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