YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again