Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.