he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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