Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
