Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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