I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
