I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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