is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
