What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
