sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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