I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize