MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry about my life...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
