the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
