If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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