Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
