my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
