new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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