He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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