Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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