Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
