he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
