You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
