I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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