Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
