maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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