Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
