I just pynch a tree in the face
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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