Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
