girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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