you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
