I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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