No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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