her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
