Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
