I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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