I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
