my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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