glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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