The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
