i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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