Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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