I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
