Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
