i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
