I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
