I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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