it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
