Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
