Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
