Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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